so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
