did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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