my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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