sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
