my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
