it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
