were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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