Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
