She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
