Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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