Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
