Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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