I met the friendliest cop last night
and you said cock pushups were impossible
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize