had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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