i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
