Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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