Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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