If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sext me about skeletons
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize