I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
