new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
