I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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