please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
