A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
