I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
