thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
