i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
