At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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