census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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