she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
