Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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