I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can I color on your dick again?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
