ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
