Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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