are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
