You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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