just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
