I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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