at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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