worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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