it wasn't lemon gatorade
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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