Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
