I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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