Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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