you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
