I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Small penises have feelings too.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
