I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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