I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
