everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
