Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
