I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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