I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize