i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
