you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
