shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
