In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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