I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
