so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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