also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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