i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
