dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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