The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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