Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
All the doctor said was why
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
