someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
