Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
