You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
