I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
