Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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